I have never felt this need to write before. The need to write about myself, about what I am truly feeling and thinking. But, today I am putting my heart on the line and getting a hundred percent real.
I recently questioned myself a lot and took a huge step back in my life. “Who am I?” “Who I want to be?” “Am I taking the right choices?” are the questions which wander in my head during months. Even today, after all this time of reflection I still don’t have all my answer. It is normal I believe. I am somehow between two worlds. I have undergone major changes in my life this two past years I don’t think I get used to any of them yet.
My moving to the U.S. was certainly the best thing that ever happened to me but it was far from being easy. It was tough on a family basis but also for my inner self. I lost all my repair, my habits, and my friends. I have never been that alone.
Sometimes, I receive Instagram messages telling me that I have a dream life blah blah blah, that I am so lucky blah blah blah… I am blessed to have a home and a loving family indeed. But I realized what impact social media have on a teenagers’ perception of life, but also on mine. What you see on Instagram, is me posing in cool locations with cute outfits, yes. But what is real is that I am all day long shut in my bedroom, I have no friends and I take the main part of my pictures by myself with my tripod and a remote. That is who I am. Nothing to dream about, hun? I don’t complain, my blog is my favorite thing to do and without it, I would be so bored.
I am lucky enough to have the capacity to stay alone for a long time without complaining or feeling the need to talk to someone. But after almost a year it started to be hard on an emotional plan. I discovered a part of myself I didn’t know. Now, I know it and hell, I don’t like it – I am weighing my worlds. Instagram, my favorite social media, is also the one which leads me to anorexia and bulimia. I haven’t get out of this demon yet, but I am working on it. I know I am far from being the only one. I am sure many of you weren’t even suspected this aspect of my life.
I am a person who believes that every single experience makes you grow. Every single decision you take today may change your future forever.I am glad I went through this experiences. I learned so much this past year, I became super self-aware. I think self-awareness is the key to happiness. You can’t be happy with anybody else if you are not happy with yourself and know yourself better than anyone else.
Today’s post is not about all my regrets but about opening your eyes. Behind the closed doors, we all have our struggle, our regrets, and our pain. Life isn’t easy. If it would have been it wouldn’t be that special and beautiful. Work hard if you want to achieve your dreams, and reach your goals. Do not take anything for granted and enjoy every single second because we are lucky enough for being alive.
Every year, I realize how fast time flies and how precious it is. I recently read my 2016 post, I grew up so much. I remember writing my 2017 post like if it was yesterday (Am I old already?)
I know I have plenty of time to reach my goals but I don’t plan to waste it.
This past year, I was super grateful you all and I am so thankful for all your support. I have met amazing people thanks to this blogging experience and I am stronger than ever.
I could write during hours so I’ll stop now.
I wish you all guys a Happy New Year and I see you next year.
PS: Psst… Please stay as amazing as you already are!